sr surpised me again on my 20th bday. i didnt know that celebrating bday at the pub was so interesting. you get wishings from familliar and unfamiliar faces. haha. i think on my 17 i was celebrating at a boatq pub also. but then i didnt feel so lonely. its until this bday that i thought i was alone. that's y i feel so blessed to have ppl wishing me happy birthday.

this bday wasnt a good one at all. from bday eve, i've been crying my eyes out. until the day after my bday. i just feel really really depressed. i even resort to going to the void deck on bday eve and countdown by myself with some beers. and smsing myself happy birthday on midnight. how saddening is that? and somehow disappointed with bf. i expected him to do more. but he can't. not that he doesnt want to. anw, he has also promised to celebrate my bday after the actual day. im waiting..

seriously, i used to like my birthdate alot. 13 nov. tot 13 was a nice number. but now. no. i hate my birthdate. i wish i can change my birthdate. but how to change smth after having it for so long?

tonight, sat night wasnt spent at clubs or pubs or drinking. went for a nice run with xr at compass. and immed after i reached home and bathe, i cant walk properly at all. haven been running for at least 6mths. but its good to sweat. hopefully sweating everything out so my tears gland would dry up or what. haha.

i cried so so much until my eyes were so swollen and painful. until then i understand how come some ppl can get blind over crying too much. needa get over this depressing period soon. small things seems so significant on my birthday period. that's y im so sad until i cried so so much. nv in my life i felt so small and invisible. guess its just part and parcel of growing up.

grow up hailey! welcome to reality!